Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
