You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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