he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
