I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
