I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
