Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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