He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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