I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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