Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
