.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
