Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
