Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
