i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
