i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
