It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
