Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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