does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
