I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
