you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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