Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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