K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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