operation harelip BJ is a go
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
