Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
