Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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