literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
