i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
