She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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