I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
