the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
