how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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