I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
