It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
