i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Randomize
