she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
