I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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