I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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