"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
