I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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