Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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