Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
