I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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