she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
