I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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