I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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