I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
