Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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