She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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