After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
