You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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