what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
